Awakening the Zodiac

If you watch _Awakening the Zodiac_ in the hope that it will be half as good as David Fincher's _Zodiac_ (2007), you will be disappointed. Some have called _Awakening the Zodiac_ a thriller. It is not. I don't say that because it lacks thrills (which it does), but because it is a very bland horror film. The idea of a couple tracking the Zodiac killer together is pretty good. But, then the first scene begins and the good ideas end. The script is silly, the pace tedious, the leads miscast, the acting a drag. Everything is just wrong. See, Mick and Zoe are a poor white couple who are barely scraping by. (They look like models, so you have to pretend.) Zoe's peeved because Mick has gambled three months' rent on magic beans—oops, I mean the contents of a storage unit. For their money, they get $400 worth of furniture, plus a bunch of films that the Zodiac killer made to document his murders, his cipher key, his social security number, and his recipe for cherries jubilee. They learn of a $100,000 reward for information leading to the killer's capture. The entire film is premised on their pursuit of this reward, _even though they already have such information_ in the form of the Zodiac's films, the storage unit, and the possibility of the killer's return. Mick and Zoe are sent on, and aided in, this nonsensical quest by a Doc Brown knockoff who owns a pawnshop. The shop, like every other trope in the film, is straight out of the VHS era. Zodiac himself is basically Jason Vorhees with less screen time. (Actually, if you can find _anything_ original in this film, I'm offering a $100,000 reward.) _Zodiac_ was powerful for its depiction of the obsessiveness and desperation of journalist Paul Avery's years-long search for the killer's identity. His obsession ruins his marriage and takes over his life. _Awakening the Zodiac_ has no such drama. Instead, Mick and Zoe fall ass-backwards into evidence that Avery would have killed for. (If you'll pardon the expression.) To the film's credit, however, I can at least say that it's better than Ulli Lommel's _Curse of the Zodiac_ (2007). I close, dear reader, with a warning: Just like real '80s horrors, this copycat uses an artful poster to lure you into the backseat of a crappy film. My advice: **Don't get in! Run! Run!** On second thought, you can just walk. This one doesn't move very fast.