Anaconda

Perhaps if they’d screened the first version of this story from 1997 followed by the whole of “Quatch” then I might have better appreciated this Sony reboot of the story? Then again, maybe not. Right from the start, we know that there is a giant snake at large and so when recently fired bit-part actor “Griff” (Paul Rudd) suggests to his “Quatch” co-star, wedding video director “Doug” (Jack Black) that he has acquired the rights to remake “Anaconda” - only without Eric Stolz, they leap at the opportunity and set off with pals “Claire” (Thandiwe Newton); “Kenny” (Steve Zahn) and slightly less than ten thousand bucks. Before they even manage to embark on their boat, though, they find themselves caught up in some local gold smuggling shenanigans thanks to “Ana” (Daniela Melchior) and then another - legitimate - film crew sails onto the scene, too. “Ana” turns out to be quite the action-hero and soon there is friction on the boat, “Griff” has gone off in the huff and yep, eventually, our scaly terror begins to make it’s presence felt. When I say scaly, I could mean leather skinned or I could mean a creature that appears to grow and shrink in size depending on the scenario. At some points it’s like “Godzilla”, at others more like “Godzooki” - so it’s more a sort of comedy menace from the cutting room floor of a “Jurassic Park”. Jack Black looks like he is enjoying himself as he traipses through the foliage chewing on regurgitated squirrel but that’s about the standard of the comedy here; there’s not much of it, and by the time we get to the sharp end of the film I was a bit bored. Perhaps the plan was to parody loads of other features from this genre? Rudd and Black work well together, but there simply isn’t enough for them to work with as the storyline dissolves disappointingly. It wasn’t really a plot that needed a second shot, and sadly this rather proves that point but it’s watchable Chrimbo-limbo cinema fodder - just nobody’s finest hour, not even the snake’s.